STORY TIME 💭

I just had a flashback of a conversation I had with a someone I know and I noticed how he somewhat aggressively avoided the elephant in the room.

I’m not like that.

I don’t like to pretend like nothing is wrong, when there clearly is something that needs to be addressed, so I told him what I had observed about him avoiding to have “that” conversation.

He told me that the reason that he would avoid confronting issues is because fights he used to see his parents have at home.
It scarred him and he began to associate having difficult conversations with fighting and violence.

This is where I realized that he was dealing with a trauma and he needed help finding a more effective way to deal with it.

From the aggression in his tone I could tell he was frustrated, but behind the frustration I saw someone who was vulnerable.
I chose not to get frustrated with him back and used the opportunity to share what I learned about having hard conversations.
I told him that avoiding to talk about difficult things and pretending they don’t exist won’t make the problem disappear.
It can even get worse, because you never addressed it and you never dealt with it.

Some conversations are hard to have, but they’re necessary, and just because they’re hard, doesn’t mean they will be violent by default.

You can have hard conversations that go peacefully.

What determines the difference in outcome is your approach to the situation, as well as your conversation partner:

𝙄𝙩’𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙫𝙨. 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙤𝙣, 𝙞𝙩’𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙩𝙬𝙤 𝙤𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙫𝙨. 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙗𝙡𝙚𝙢.

It’s about understanding each other so that you can be on the same page again.

Next time you feel nervous about having a difficult conversation, remember that you can influence the course it takes.
With the right approach, the right mindset and the necessary conversational skills you can make the conversation feel lighter and end peaceful.

Invest in learning these skills. They are so valuable to possess and beautiful too, given the relationships you can persevere.

In my ebook "overcoming the fear of confrontation" I share all about this.

+ How to regulate your emotions when you are nervous to express how you feel, and how to be bold and confident to tell people what is on your mind when they make you uncomfortable, instead of tiptoeing around the problem in fear of provoking them to get angry.

(Because your emotions are valid! You should not constantly shrink yourself to the extent that you bottle up your emotions and build frustration and resentment, just because the idea of the person disagree makes you uncomfortable. The manifestation of your preferred experience is often behind the wall of the hard things. Learning how to be resilient will help you get through it with grace.)

+ Must have skills to be a good communicator so that the person can reason from your point of view when you address an issue and you end up connecting with the person as opposed to ending up in a bad argument

+ Keys to build relationships that align with your authentic self and principles so you can experience peace of mind and sincere joy in your relationships instead of tolerating things that give you the ick real bad. That when you spent the day hanging out with someone, you come back home and actually feel like you had a good time. Instead of feeling drained and conflicted, you feel energized or content.

Having these skills will transform your experience in relationships for the better for good. I know it did for me 🤭.

Want to have this same experience? Get the ebook here.